Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by (xxxxxxx) pilots, and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
P: IFF inoperative.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.